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September 2026: The Grief of the College Experience You Thought You Would Have

The idea of what college is has been heavily influenced by what is portrayed in movies, tv shows, and social media, and because of that, a lot of people go into it with expectations of having similar experiences. Some of the most common things are making lifelong friends, joining clubs or organizations, feeling like you're finally becoming yourself, and living independently. 

But, the reality is that this isn't always the experience for students because of very real factors and circumstances. Maybe you're a commuter and don't live on campus. Maybe you haven't made close friends or "found your people". Maybe you're struggling academically. Maybe you have to work while going to school and can't participate in campus events like you hoped. These things aren't part of the "pretty picture" that college is advertised as, and that can have an impact on someone. Differing circumstances can change your college journey and can lead to grieving the experiences that don't happen for you. 

But you might be thinking "Grief? That feels like a strong word to describe this..." Well, grief isn't limited just to losing a person. Let's look at some common versions of this experience:
  • "I thought I'd have a friend group." - Instead, you might feel isolated or haven't found your people.
  • "I thought I'd love my major." - Instead, you might realize your chosen path isn't right for you.
  • "I thought college would make me independent." - Instead, I might still need to depend on others financially. 
  • "I thought I'd finally feel confident." - Instead, college might bring new insecurities. 
  • "I thought these would be the best years of my life." - Instead, you might be surviving rather than thriving. 
Some of those you might really resonate with, and it makes sense! Life isn't rainbows and unicorns all the time and neither is the college experience. It's important to recognize and validate if you are feeling any type of grief or loss towards your college experience. 

You might also feel some guilt thinking about this and experiencing thoughts like "I should be grateful." or "Other people would love to be in my position." But let's be clear that multiple things can exist at once and gratitude does not cancel out grief. You can still have appreciation for your education, opportunities, accomplishments, and support system, while also wishing your experience had looked different. Both things can be true. 

So we want you to be very mindful to not try to force yourselves into thinking positively, but allow yourselves to feel any disappointment that comes up. The only way to move through grief and loss, is to move through grief and loss, which means we have to hold space for those emotions to be able to move forward. 

Once you've done that, moving forward can start with reflecting on the question "What would a meaningful college experience look like for me now?" 

Maybe it looks like: 
  • One close friend versus a big friend group
  • Attending one campus event
  • Allowing your experience to look different from others
  • Prioritizing your mental health
  • Creating your own traditions
Remember, the college experience doesn't define your life; it is one chapter in your story, not the whole book. Maybe your college experience wasn't what you thought it would be and there are things you'll always wish had been different, but you don't have to pretend those losses don't hurt. Sometimes growing up means that we grieve the life and experiences we imagined to make room for the life that's actually unfolding. 

Take care of yourselves, Pioneers!


Interested in other When Life Feels Messy content? 
Podcast - https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/GmTJzrDjQAb
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@whenlifefeelsmessy...
Instagram - @twucaps and @twudalhou_caps

Resources: 
TWU CAPS Denton Front Office - 940-898-3801
TWU CAPS Crisis Line - 940-898-4357
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

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