January 2025: When Good Isn’t Good Enough - Confronting Unrealistic Expectations of Yourself

 

The college years are often seen as a transformative time, full of growth, discovery, and opportunities. It's the time to chase your dreams, explore passions and interests, and lay the groundwork for your future. 

But for many of us, it's also the time that crushing pressure and self-doubt sinks in...and this is fueled usually by unrealistic expectations of what it means to succeed. 

It starts innocently: a desire to do well. Maybe it’s maintaining a high GPA, excelling in organizations or extracurriculars, or being the "perfect" student, friend, partner, or roommate. But over time, this drive can turn into a toxic cycle where no achievement feels like enough. You ace an exam, but you’re already worrying about the next one. You land an internship, but you wonder if it’s impressive enough compared to your peers. This mindset leaves little room for celebration or self-compassion. Perfection is unattainable because it’s subjective. What one person considers “perfect,” another may see as inadequate. Chasing perfection sets you up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction because there’s always someone doing more or doing better. More importantly, striving for perfection denies one simple truth: being human means being an imperfect work in progress. 

The unrealistic expectations do a great job at creating a constant state of disappointment and feeling like no matter what you do or accomplish is never enough. This stems from a couple of things:

• Social Comparison: With social media and campus culture, it’s easy to compare your progress to others. You might see peers achieving milestones and assume you’re falling behind, even when you’re on your own unique path.
• Perfectionism: Many students equate their self-worth with flawless performance. The belief that anything less than perfect is failure can make even small mistakes feel catastrophic.
• External Pressures: Family expectations, societal norms, or the pressure to secure a “successful” future can create an overwhelming sense of responsibility.
• Internal Critic: Sometimes, the loudest voice is the one inside your head. Negative self-talk can convince you that your best efforts are insufficient.

But these unrealistic expectations have real consequences and holding yourself to impossible standards can take a toll on your mental health. Some common effects include:

• Burnout: Constantly pushing yourself without rest or balance leads to physical and emotional exhaustion.
• Anxiety and Depression: Unrealistic expectations often fuel feelings of inadequacy, leading to heightened anxiety or sadness.
• Procrastination: Ironically, perfectionism can make you so afraid of failing that you avoid starting tasks altogether.
• Loss of Joy: When you’re always striving for more, you miss out on appreciating the present and celebrating your accomplishments.

The impact is clear and maybe you're reading this and noticing you yourself struggle with unrealistic expectations that hold you back. Let's be real, it's not easy to challenge these expectations, but it can be done! The key is intentional effort and here are some ways to start the journey of setting realistic expectations for yourself:

1. Redefine What Success is For You: 
• What does success really mean to me? Is it about external validation, or is it about growth and fulfillment? Redefine success in a way that aligns with your values, not societal standards.
2. Set Realistic and Attainable Goals for Yourself: 
• Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on progress. Break larger goals into manageable steps and celebrate small victories along the way.
3. Identify and Challenge Negative Self-Talk: 
• Pay attention to your inner dialogue. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” counter it with evidence of your achievements and strengths.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: 
• Treat yourself with the kindness you’d show a friend. Acknowledge that mistakes and setbacks are part of the learning process, not a reflection of your worth.
5. Create Healthy Boundaries: 
• Learn to say no to commitments that overextend you. Protect your time and energy by prioritizing activities that align with your goals and well-being.
6. Seek the Support You Need: 
• If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out. Talk to friends, mentors, or a counselor who can help you navigate these pressures and gain perspective.

At its core, being human means being imperfect. We make mistakes, stumble, and occasionally fall short of our expectations—and that’s okay. These experiences are not signs of failure but evidence that we’re alive, growing, and learning. Yet, in today’s hyper-competitive world, it’s easy to lose sight of this truth. We often chase an illusion of perfection, believing that if we could just get everything right, we’d finally feel satisfied or worthy. Spoiler alert: we wouldn’t.

In college—and life—you’ll have plenty of moments where you wish you could fast-forward to the “perfect” version of yourself. But when you focus solely on the destination, you miss the beauty of the journey: the laughs with friends, the late-night brainstorming sessions, the small triumphs you never expected.

So, give yourself permission to be human. Celebrate your efforts, embrace your imperfections, and remind yourself that you’re already enough, just as you are!

Take Care, Pioneers!

-TWU CAPS

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