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December 2022: Grief & the Holidays

Hello Pioneers and welcome to the December blog! 

You might be surprised to see that this month's topic isn't necessarily "holly jolly". Our society has a great way of painting the holiday season as bright, cheerful, and a time for happiness and memories, but that's not the case for everyone. We expand more on this in the podcast for this month, but specifically for this blog post we want to talk about grief and the holidays. 

As we know, grief is universal and something we all have/will experience in our lifetimes, as death is a part of life. But even though it's something everyone will experience, it's not something that people like to talk about or give space to. It seems a common trend in society is to avoid the hard feelings of grief and instead expect grieving individuals to put on a positive and happy "mask" so that others aren't affected. Specifically surrounding our topic, we see this come up around the holidays when others might make hurtful, insensitive, or judging comments about our grief, especially if it feels that it impacts their own happiness or holiday season. When others aren't able to hold space for our grief or tend to not feel that they know what to do, their words and actions can make us feel even worse. We also have to remember that everyone grieves differently, because grief is personal and doesn't follow a timeline or schedule. 

But we want to provide support to you if you find yourself not looking forward to the holidays or enjoying this time of year due to your grieving. Your grief is valid and you are more than allowed to experience the stages of grief on your own time. Speaking of that, let's do a refresher on the stages of grief:
  • Shock & Denial: 
    • The news and feelings haven't fully sunk in yet and you are in a state of disbelief and numbed feelings. 
  • Pain & Guilt: 
    • The loss might feel unbearable and that your feelings and needs are impacting others
  • Anger & Bargaining: 
    • This is where you might experience anger, which is normal, and start bargaining to a higher power or yourself for relief of these feelings and this situation
  • Depression: 
    • The variety of emotions you experience can lead to feelings of depression, isolating yourself, having anxiety, and feeling dread
  • The Upward Turn: 
    • This is the point where stages of anger and pain have died down some and you're left in a more calm and relaxed state
  • Reconstruction & Working Through: 
    • This is where you begin to put the pieces of your life back together and move forward
  • Acceptance & Hope: 
    • This is where very gradual acceptance of the new way of life and a feeling of possibility for the future
As you continue to process through your grief, remember that you must also take care of yourself. There are many ways to do this, but take intentional time for yourself to do things that nourish you, such as, going outside, spending time with pets, being creative, reading a book, etc. It's important to provide yourself with a little extra comfort and love during these hard times, so make sure you are making yourself a priority. 

Remember, your grief is personal and unique and you are not required to feel "happy" during the holidays. Make sure you understand your limits and needs this holiday season and take some time for you. If spending a whole day with family and friends seems like too much, then listen to yourself and only spend the amount of time you can handle. Another thing you can try when you're ready is finding ways to keep your lost loved ones, whether person or pet, there in spirit. We will let you get creative on how to do this, but making this a family/friend activity can help with feeling that they are still part of the holidays. 

As always, if you feel that you need additional help/support to grieve or that you find yourself stuck in the process, reach out to your CAPS team or other mental health professionals. Grief is not something have to process alone and you are not a burden to others to need help in talking and working through your grief. 

Wishing you peace and rest this holiday season, 
Your TWU CAPS Team 




Interested in other When Life Feels Messy... content? 
Podcast - https://anchor.fm/when-life-feels-messy/episodes/EP-5-Unhappy-Holidays-e1rer2e
YouTube - https://youtu.be/HrjEqIkgS9E
Instagram - @twucaps and @twudalhou_caps


TWU CAPS Contact Information:
Denton Front Office - 940-898-3801
Crisis Line - 940-898-4357


References: 
https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief
https://www.eterneva.com/resources/self-care-during-grief-tips



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